It rained all night and all morning. Rain drizzled down the gray windowpanes and I heard it gushing down the gutter. No point in getting up so I pulled my cover up and closed my eyes, imagining Michael was still siting on my bed, steady breath and smelling of soap and something else.
I didn't feel like eating. Michael had left the juice bottle out, only half a glass worth. I had an almost full bottle of Vodka under the bed behind a stack of books so I took it out and filled up the juice bottle with it. I hated the taste of alcohol, but I wanted to sleep, or day dream, or lazy about the bed so that was perfect for it.
It was Sunday. The only thing on TV were televangelists and newscasters. In a sense they were one of the same. But I wouldn't go around saying that to them. People got weird about their jobs.
Sirens blared in the distance. It reminded me of a friend named Carol who worked as an EMT and she was always six minutes late to class. The university nearly failed her but I gave her some make up lessons and she took me to a tour in the hospital where she worked. That was three years ago. She said she was late usually because she got used to the idea that she could get anywhere quick--usually within six minutes. I had read somewhere that Ambulances had to arrive six minutes or less after dispatch sent them on their ways.
I wondered how long it took the ambulance to get me after the crash. I woke up in the hospital so it felt like years ago I sat behind the wheel and watching that black car ram into me from the far lane. I wondered why no other cars got into his way. I never saw who the driver was. Didn't want to know. Some things didn't need revisiting. I wanted to pretend I was born this way, with scars running from the hairline to my right temple, no hearing in one ear, and both legs busted so I would never walk again. It was easier to carry on this way. Easier to face the Michael's of the world when I didn't stop every second imagining what it would be like if...
Then the rain stopped. My head felt foggy and thick so I closed my eyes and let the world spin around me, until I fell slowly at first, then all of a sudden, into the darkness that was sleep.