Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Christmas Wish and A New Year's Resolution

Dear Family and Friends -

Happy Holidays!
It has not been the most successful year with the expected and unexpected loss of many things I used to hold dear.  I found myself on the verge of depressive thoughts, crying spells and health problems more often than I like to admit (unless it is on the internet of course).  Yet now at the year's end, I seem to be on solid ground.

To be sure, I don't suddenly know what my future will hold, all my problems in the physical world is still here, as real as that last piece of chocolate laying in an empty box.  Yet I know I am holding onto the right kind of support, faith, hope and unconditional love.   My one wish then, is to remember to never let go, not so that I will forever now be faultless, or even get close to it.  I know more than ever that I am still wobbling like a toddler with many cuts and scrapes, but will run off into the danger and the wild at every opportunity that entices.  I just count on that steady hand of love to wave, and a still small voice to call, whenever I did find myself back into those dark and foggy traps.

I count also on your continued patience and understanding, not only to forgive all my past angst, mood swings, and irrational at best, unthinkable at worst behaviors, but future ones too.  I know I will continue to disappoint you at one point or another, like I have done so many times over the years.  However I can also tell you I am relishing at life's every moment as an opportunity to grow in maturity and steadiness.  The kind of maturity that exudes peace, understanding, patience, joy, love kindness, and self control, the kind that fills me with thankfulness and grace until it overflows, the kind that finally patches up all the hurt and emptiness, so long collected from the vanity of my youth and nurtured by the pride of independence.

A snowy white Christmas
I know that in every human relationships, the cost of past mistakes is lost of that all so mysterious and unfathomable thing called "trust".  I will have no more short cut that anyone else to earn it back without the test of time, consistency and a true change of heart through faith and allowing forgiveness to grace my own heart.  The moment I lose grip on this reality and fall back to my own ways, I lose myself in the process of controlling things over which I have no control, harboring anger and resentment into relationship nuances.  So for that one resolution I am aiming,  it would be to learn to let go of any past brokenness and learn to leave somethings in life alone.  This is not unlike a little story about never stir when you cook oatmeal a dear friend taught me recently.  When the tone of my spirit within is rest and peace, all seem to fall into place regardless of the stormy weather that may come and go outside.

So in this time of Christmas and New Year, I rejoice for your health, happiness, and peaceful minds as my own.  I pray that you know how much I celebrate the moments we spend together, past, present or future, as droplets of honey sweetness into that treasured jar labeled "blessings" close to my heart.  I pray that you will find moments of closeness in the days ahead, with someone that you love or need to be loved, into which you can forever look back, and smile like I do as I think of you now, thanking God for having placed such unbearable richness in my life.

Yours
T.


PS: I hope you don't think this is my new found skinflint way of cheating you out of a gift gift this year.  How could you?  You know I can't resist a good gift giving opportunity, but as a hopeless procrastinator, they are likely to arrive just a bit late, with perhaps just a bit of a shabby wrap, if at all.  A small price for peace and a novelty to appreciate don't you think?

19 comments:

  1. love reading every word of this post.
    you have touched me in a many ways.. you've been through a lot, the ups and downs, i'm glad you have learned from your experiences and has survived grow up.

    i like this line..fact is i've been telling myself this in some other words. "..to learn to let go of any past brokenness and learn to leave somethings in life alone." very true.

    happy holidays T!

    peace and love,
    Mary :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Like Maria, I love the line 'to learn to let go of any past brokenness...' that's a fine wish to make.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I loved reading this post. I respect those people who learn from their experiences and never give up no matter how big the obstacle in front of them is.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am sure 2011 is going to be an amazing year for you. I agree with you that with peace and calm, everything seems to fall in place...wishing you and your family a wonderful new year...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and well wishes.

    Maria - this is high praises as I respect you as a writer. I also feel I can relate really well to you. Thank you for the kind words.

    Sharon - Welcome to my blog. I enjoy and profit from the eloquence of your writing so it gives me pleasure to have you visit and comment.

    Starlight - Welcome back and thanks for your encouragements.

    Caterpillar - it took me a while to begin to grasp it so I hope I will remember it well in the coming year. Thank you so much.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shopgirl, this entry is a perfect example of why I love your blog. It is so honest and genuine. I hope and pray 2011 is an amazing year for you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. wow!! i think many of us go to chocolate for comfort :-) especially in hard times. May God richly bless and comfort you and may this be a better year ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Christine - thanks for your encouragements and prayers!

    outdoor.mom - I can never resist a good dark chocolate. Problem just is they do make me break out like a teenager. Welcome to my blog and thanks for your well wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm glad you're ending the year on solid ground. I enjoy your writing. You have a gift for being open and expressing yourself. I was told that good writers can connect with people. You have that talent. I wish you all the best in the new year.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I, too, enjoy reading your blog. I love the fact that you are so honest, which isn't always easy to do. You also have a nice sense of humor too. Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just Like You -

    Welcome and thanks for your insightful comment. I hesitated to post this piece so I am still working on the honest part, it's a process.

    Kristen -

    Welcome and thanks for your considerate comment. It definitely was not easy. Glad you enjoyed the humor bit.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What a great post! I can relate to your feelings in so many ways.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I hope your next year is filled with trust and love and joy!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ms. Ryterski -

    Thank you! I am glad you can relate to it, that is a great compliment.

    Megan -

    Thank you, the same to you too!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Every year has its ups ad downs. So at the end of the year lets not think about all the downs and the things which didn't happen and which hurt us. Let us keep in our memories those which made us happy, those which gave us a smile, those by which we have given happiness to others.
    wish you the best in the coming year. Look forward to it.

    P.S. Thanks so much for your award. I had just come back from my vacatio. It would suffice for a great New year gift. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I was deeply moved by your every word in your letter. It makes me almost to cry!

    Some times I feel so lost that I do not get any energy to smile. But after reading your letter I got to pray god to help me!

    Realtionship is most difficult thing in the world!
    As runawaybride said:
    "Let us keep in our memories those which made us happy, those which gave us a smile, those by which we have given happiness to others. "

    god bless you!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love reading all your entry...it moves me in so many ways! I added your blog to my google reader:)

    ReplyDelete
  18. runaway bride -
    Your comment is lovely, I especially enjoyed: 'Let us keep in our memories those which made us happy, those which gave us a smile, those by which we have given happiness to others.' I could have used a sentence like that.
    Happy New Year!

    Chenglie -

    I agree with you. It is in our weakness that the strength of faith can do a work of wonders.

    Sunny Toast -

    Welcome to my blog and I am so glad you liked it. Thanks for your kind comment.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Shopgirl, I got goosebumps. Such eloquent baring of soul.

    ReplyDelete

Reply?

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...